


Tepid heart

by gravityplant



Series: Our Frozen Hearts [au] [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magical Realism, Pining, Swearing, Vampire Hunter AU, mention of food, mild amount of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 12:12:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18778033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gravityplant/pseuds/gravityplant
Summary: When Dan starts to realise he's catching feelings for his best friend he has far worse things to worry about than some stupid crush, like defending Phil from being attacked and sucked dry to a raisin for example, whilst hunting those pesky creatures he was born to kill. That and taking Phil to a pizza restaurant to help him from hitting an all-time low.-Dan hunts vampires, Phil runs away from his own worst nightmares.[Prequel to "Our Frozen Hearts"]





	Tepid heart

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is part of the "Our Frozen Hearts" au. It's a prequel, taking place during Dan and Phil's teenage years.
> 
> -
> 
> Beta: phuzzyphan

-

Dan darts around the corner after Phil. Phil hasn't noticed that he's following him from a distance. But he's not the only one following Phil, so he guesses that makes up for him stalking his best friend. 

He drags his thumb repeatedly over the rough surface of the stake in his hand. Eyebrows furrowed and eyes slits as they follow the small lithe woman. She hasn't seen him, her eyes set on her pray. She's about to push open the door when Dan rushes forward. 

She turns her head just in time to see him impale the stake into her heart. Her eyes big and mouth open in shock. She's pretty but Dan is reminded what creatures like her do when he catches the whites of her fangs glimmering in the light of the ceiling lamps. His expression hardens. A second later she turns to dust, it covers him, making it look like he's just stepped into a snowstorm. Disgusted, he wipes it off as quickly as he can.

He tucks away the stake in his backpack and just as he's about to turn around and walk away he's standing face to face with Phil. He frowns, meeting Dan's eyes "Dan? I thought you said you had a class right now?" he says surprised, letting go of the door to the boys' toilets. Dan shrugs, trying to pretend he isn't fazed. 

"Class got cancelled so I went to look for you," he says easily a smirk appearing on his face. Dan knows he's tricked him when Phil relaxes, his shoulders easing. Dan sighs in relief internally.

"So what do you say about studying in the library then?" Phil says a timid smile creeping up on his face. Dan smiles causally hands finding the pockets of his leather jacket. 

"Yeah why not, although you know I'm not good at studying, I always get distracted" Dan shrugs as they make their ways down a corridor. Phil's quiet for a while and Dan is absorbed in his own thoughts again.

Sometimes protecting Phil is tiring, at one point it felt like a 24/7 job. Somewhere in between the beginning of this year and summer break, he realised that he can't think like that. That it makes it much worse than it actually is. And yeah it was about then he realised the feelings that had started to surface for a while were more than a sort of brotherly affection for his best friend. 

If Phil found out, he'd unfriend him on the spot for even thinking in that way about him, Dan's sure. Phil doesn't have any other friends than Dan and if he found out that Dan hoarded unrequited feelings for him he'd obviously feel betrayed. It'd be as if Dan had turned his back on Phil when he needed him the most. No, Phil doesn't need a lover- Phil needs a brother. Someone who can be there for him, someone who can be strong for him.

When Phil speaks up again they've almost reached the library already. "I was hoping you wouldn't get distracted here, that's why I suggested it," Phil says sheepishly and Dan wonders if he's thought about his reply the whole time.

"Ah, you're such a genius, you might be right, maybe a change of scenery is what I need" Dan laughs, going to ruffle Phil's fringe. He receives a shy smile.

-

It appears that a change of scenery isn't at all what Dan needs. His eyes watch Phil with warmth as he works. Dan's rested his head in his hand, work forgotten. His eyes are glued to Phil, it's as if the dusty and low lit atmosphere in the library makes him glow. 

Dan wants to reach out a hand and trail his finger over the bump of Phil's nose. His stomach clenches unwillingly at the thought. But he has to remind himself he's not allowed to think like that, for both of their sakes.

Phil looks up then his blue eyes smiling. "Have you finished already Lester?" Dan smirks. Phil looks down blushing "no... I just saw that you weren't studying, you were just analysing me and I thought that maybe my fringe had splinters and looked messy or-" Phil doesn't have time to finish his sentence before Dan interrupts him.

"You just interest me, Lester, it must be your homework spirit" Phil doesn't say anything he just ducks his head down, his cheeks aflame as he sets his pen in motion again.

Dan smiles to himself. He looks down onto his own work, there's no way he's gonna finish this, he thinks, shutting the book closed with a light hand.

-

It's right after a light lunch Dan finds himself walking down the corridors, at the moment he doesn't know where Phil is and it troubles him. He knows he can't protect Phil always but he tries his best. The many sleepovers they've had was partly to calm Dan's nerves. Because he knows that Phil is safe with him, at least. 

Sleep isn't an option at sleepovers, Dan feels extremely guilty if he falls asleep. Knowing that if something happened to Phil and he was there but fast asleep, it be all his fault. To pass time he'd look at Phil's sleeping form or watch out for monsters in threatening darkness.

The problem with sleepovers demanding Dan staying awake is that Dan's movements get sluggish, slower. His brain mushy and he can't stop looking at Phil. It's as if his brain is bugging, freezing when he finds something interesting to look at.

He's got to quit thinking like that. Or seeing Phil in that light at all. Because Phil doesn't have a crush on Dan. Gently, Dan needs to let himself down before Phil realises and crushes Dan's beating heart in the palm of his hand.

That can't happen. Dan needs Phil maybe more than Phil needs him. Phil might not realise that, and maybe it's better that way. Because Dan likes to hang out with Phil a lot, more than he'd confess.

As Dan turns the corner he hears a familiar voice. The corridor is empty but one of the classroom's doors stands ajar and Dan sneaks forward carefully. Hand coming up to rest on the oblong side of the door. The sight breaks his heart. He knew he recognised the voice, the quiet whimpering at the back of the classroom. 

"Phil!" he exclaims worriedly, hurriedly making his way to Phil by zigzagging between chairs and tables. He sweeps down beside the small form that is Phil. He's sitting in a fetal position, pressed up against the wall as if he wants it to swallow him whole. Make him disappear from Dan for all eternity.

"Phil," Dan says again voice softer. Phil just shakes his head not looking up. Dan bites his lip, this isn't the first time he finds Phil like this. A small fracture of the ball of sunshine he usually is... or was. 

The more this happens the less of Phil is left to be collected. Dan is scrambling after the pieces trying to mend him back into the person he was. But he's missed pieces and some are lost, never to be found again. Dan doesn't know how many times he'll have to collect and restore Phil, but he'll never ever give up. 

His heart will be forever Phil's to have and nothing can change that. Not the sun going up in the morning bringing him a glimpse of former Phil. Not the dead of night, when the sun has swept its cape over the land, and Dan tries to accept that Phil will forever be changing. 

He's not who he used to be, he breaks and rebuilds and Dan is only there to stand and watch trying to be someone important in Phil's life. But soon enough Phil might forget him. There's only so long Dan can protect him, only so long Phil will let him. But what will happen if Phil doesn't want Dan's company anymore?

Dan hugs Phil into his chest and Phil complies. His fragile body relaxes as he shakily takes a breath. "It'll be okay Phil, I know it hurts but it's all over now. Soon you'll never see those faces again, soon you'll be all grown up. We'll be two stupid adults worrying about far more stupider things than these jerks." 

Dan's madder about this than he's letting on. The people bullying Phil they just can't be human! Dan just wishes he could do anything, hurt them like they've hurt Phil. But he knows it's not gonna solve anything. The bullies are allies with people with far more power than he has. They'll separate Phil and him. He's going to have to move school. And if he loses Phil, the world might lose all meaning.

The glimpse of two blue eyes as Phil looks up makes Dan's heart hammer a little extra against his chest. A warm smile pulls at the corners of his own mouth.

"Whatcha saying about pizza after school, my treat. You can show me the full-fledged plan you had about how I will manage to concentrate better... Or we could just eat, you decide" Dan murmurs. Phil exhales deeply, his tears have dried on his cheeks and his sad eyes look up through this lashes. But there's is a ghost of a smile on his pink lips. 

"I'd like that" Phil whispers ducking into Dan's chest again, his arms coming up to wind around Dan in a hug. Dan freezes, his ability to breathe forgotten. Instead, his chest fills with warmth when Phil hugs him. Phil is such a good kid, it's so unfair seeing how other people treat him. It hurts within Dan just thinking about it. His anger and sorrow clawing at his throbbing heart. Dan hugs Phil a little closer.

It doesn't matter how many monster butts Dan kicks there's still far worse monsters to be found. Those whose weapons are words and fists. And sometimes, Dan's found, those are more lethal than the sharpest fang. 

Dan can't fight all of Phil's battles and it seems fighting humans are much more complicated than monsters.

-

They walk side by side, avoiding the piles of snow staining the cobbled path. It's still quite cold outside, and their breaths form clouds in the frozen air.

"We're here," Dan states the already obvious as he pulls open the door for Phil. He doesn't know why- maybe it's to fill the silence between them. Or maybe he hopes Phil will have some witty comment about it, but he stays silent. Dan's heart sinks in his chest as he silently closes the door behind himself. 

It's like walking into a warm blanket. But the pizzeria has always been this warm and nice at this time of year. That's partly why Dan wanted to go. He rubs his thin mittens together to warm his frozen fingers before slipping them off completely. Both of their cheeks are dusted with a light blush.

"So what do you want today, Philly?" Dan asks in a singsong voice, glancing over at him. He's trying to cheer Phil up but it doesn't seem to work. Maybe he's truly only good for killing vampires and freezing out the rest of humanity that isn't Phil. 

Phil shrugs a little "the usual" he mutters. Dan nods, crossing his arms over his chest. He can feel goosebumps spreading on his arms. Even though it's hot inside he can't help but shiver. It's unpleasant seeing Phil this down. It forces a freezing feeling to spread in Dan's chest.

"So... you want us to share again?" Dan asks carefully. Phil nods, actually seeking Dan's cold fingers with warm hands. Dan almost has a heart attack, feeling a hot sensation spreading all over his body. He swallows and Phil looks over at him. 

"Uh, okay I'll order then" Dan coughs and Phil squeezes his hand before letting go of it. Slightly giddy, Dan stumbles up to the desk. His hand is burning where Phil touched it. This has never happened before. His heart has never beaten this fast when holding Phil's hand. Guilt fills his gut reminding him that Phil doesn't need this, doesn't need Dan to complicate their relationship.

Somewhat slurred, he tosses out the order, his mind still spinning and he can't think properly. Fuck, is he going to be sick? Is that what is happening to him? He knew he should've listened to his mum, but instead, he had to be stubborn and wear the leather jacket again instead of a coat.

Phil's already found a place to sit near the window when Dan goes to look after him. In his hand he's got their order number, waving the note through the air like a small, white flag. As he's making his way over an exceptionally big grin overtakes his face. Phil shakes his head but he actually laughs a little and Dan can almost hear him mumble "nerd."

-

When the pizza's been made and Dan's returned to their table with it, Phil is waiting on him with hungry eyes. 

"Just dig in already," Dan laughs "I can see the hunger in your eyes." Dan shakes his head with a fond look. He looks at Phil as he takes a first bite, cheeks flushed and eyes a little brighter than before.

Soon he's reaching for a slice himself, stomach rumbling at the delicious smell filling his nostrils. When he takes a first bite he has to close his eyes and moan a little at the taste. It's been so long he has forgotten how good the pizza really is. 

Before he opens his eyes he can feel that he's being watched. He's not wrong, Phil's eyes meet his for a fleeting moment before he looks away. Dan can't tell if Phil's cheeks have become a richer red tone or if it's just really hot inside of this place.

After shoving the remainder of his first pizza slice into his mouth Phil says "You know, figuring out a plan to help you concentrate in your studies have actually kind of helped me calm my nerves." He's not looking up at Dan but instead reaching for yet another slice. Dan watches him, a frown appearing on his face.

"It has?" Dan says sceptically. Phil looks up then, eyes wide for a second before he laughs. "Yeah, I know it sounds weird and it probably makes me a nerd or something-" He taps his finger nervously against the glass in his hand. Dan cuts off Phil's sentence, mumbling something under his breath.

"Don't worry, I like nerds." He smiles a little for himself as Phil tilts his head to the side puppy-dog-like and frowns.

"What?" he asks and Dan only shrugs, a mirthless smile painted up for a split-second on his lips.

"Nothing," he mutters. A flash of something appears in Phil's eyes, they stare at each other in what for Dan feels like forever until Phil's face clears and he looks down onto his own lap. Dan's heart sinks in his chest. Did he hear what Dan had mumbled? Then Phil continues talking, a wistful smile crosses his face.

"-anyways... I just wanted to say that spending time with you, in general, makes me relax... so thank you really, Dan. You're making my life bearable right now just by you know being by my side..." Phil titters, glancing at Dan.

Dan looks up at Phil, a real smile creeps up on his face. Phil gives him a matching one in return. It's in times like these Dan wishes he could just reach a hand out and take Phil's in his. A small gesture that means ridiculously much to Dan, so much he can't make himself do it.

A sudden thought comes over Dan- what if he just told Phil everything? Would he understand? The instant he thinks that he catches the look of Phil again as he's smiling at Dan and then he knows for sure. Phil wouldn't take it well, Phil isn't ready. 

He looks so small and fragile sitting across of Dan. Shoulders bunched up, eyes big and blue behind a messy fringe. Dan can't take it, he can't drop that burden upon Phil's already heavy shoulders. Phil's voice cuts through his thoughts, it's almost godsent hearing it when his thoughts plague him.

"You know what you told me back in school, about how soon we'd be all grown up." 

"Hah yeah..." Dan says remembering it vividly, he shudders at the memory. It terrifies Dan seeing Phil like that, each time he sees Phil's small broken-down figure it feels like something cold stabs his heart. It feels almost too physical. Like they've taken everything from him. 

And this time it isn't even vampires. It's bloody humans. Dan wishes he knew which of them it is that bullies Phil. He wishes Phil would tell him so he could hurt them like they hurt Phil. But he knows there are consequences. He knows he Phil needs him, and if he lashes out there won't be anyone left to protect Phil against either monsters nor humans.

"Could you..." Phil begins looking a tad hopeful "Could you please tell me about our future? Like I don't care if it's made up just tell me how you see us in the future" He says it with as if he's doubting Dan wouldn't tell him but of course he would. He'd do anything for Phil, he already kind of offers his life to protect him.

"I... wow okay," Dan says almost speechless, he didn't believe Phil was listening to his rambling at the time. Didn't think it mattered that much to Phil. Dan's heart beats a little extra hard for a second.

"That's a lot of responsibility Phil, I don't know... what if I destroy your fantasies or something," Dan says nervously giving Phil a sheepish smile. Phil frowns then his blue eyes becoming impossibly big. Hell, they're seas full of treasure to discover... but Dan's not allowed to do that.

"I don't think you can," Phil mumbles, a small smile creeping up on his face, Dan swallows uneasily. What future would he imagine if he was allowed? Another than the one he painfully forces himself to believe. One where Phil and he isn't separated, where he still cares about Dan. 

Even if Dan can't let himself hope about a future for them, maybe he at least can give Phil a little hope. He can't bear even the thought of crushing the little hope Phil has left. He needs to let himself imagine a world where the two of them are happy, for Phil. 

"Okay then. Um, we have just moved into a small apartment in the middle of the city. It's a shitty apartment, like real shitty, the wallpaper is ugly and there are drain problems. 

But there's a delightful public garden outside and secretly we moved there just so you could look at it. Take a stroll through it in the morning with a cup of coffee. I'd follow with 'cuz you know you forgot your jacket again and it's starting to get colder, autumns around the corner. 

But when I catch up you only roll your eyes fondly because you've told me day after day that you like feeling the cold wind blow through your hair and clothes. You say it makes you feel powerful and one with nature, with the garden all around you. You say if you listen really closely you can hear the flowers speak through the wind. It soothes you, this garden is your home just as much as the shitty apartment. 

We have movie nights in remembrance of our sleepovers when we were younger. Either laughing or hiding behind pillows depending on the movie.

But soon enough the winter comes and drags with it a crapload of snow. You can no longer see the flowers, their brown skeletal bodies buried under layers of white. 

Silently you mourn and stay inside with me. I can't bear how distant you've become, so I'm pushing you to get a job and you do, at the nearby antique shop. Sure maybe it wasn't what you wanted to work with, but at least you're going outside again. When I start to see that smile appearing at the corners of your mouth again I surprise you with a small potted plant. It's the first one you own and you adore it. 

With spring the garden appears again as if it was never gone. But you don't return to it because you've heard they're going to replace it with a playground for the kids. 

You become bitter and quit your job. I ask what you want out of life and you don't know what to answer. I mean, what did I expect when I asked such a complex question? 

It takes a few days, a week to be exact, before you tell me you want to move. 'Where?' I ask and you frown, you don't know but you want away from this city. 

I tell you to look after a job you really want and that we'd move near it no matter how far away. You smiled and I knew the both of us would figure our futures out."

"Wow, hah now I can't wait until I grow up," Phil says dreamily. Dan stares at him, mouth open somewhat for a moment before he realises he's staring. He looks away embarrassed.

"Did I set your hopes too high now?" Dan mumbles fidgeting nervously with his hands. Phil shakes his head dramatically a big grin infiltrating his adorable features.

"No, it sounds perfect!"


End file.
